On 18 April 2024, my first book, Pain, came out in paperback. This is an important personal milestone for me – the end of a long and tedious journey – and a lesson in overcoming fear and obstacles.
Pain was first published on Amazon on 26 November 2022, making a dream come true. If this is the first time you are visting my blog, a warm welcome to you, and let me introduce myself.
A bit about me
I started writing poems in 1981 at the young age of 13, following a deep personal trauma. I needed an outlet for my raw and powerful emotions, to find relief, release, and ultimately, redemption.
The topics I wrote about were very personal, private, and at times, dark – unrequited love, desire, pain, betrayal, and my budding sexuality. Many of my poems also had a spiritual undertone. The maturity and depth of my poems written as a young girl belied my age. I now believe that they might have been memories from a previous life.
After a hiatus of almost 4 decades, I started writing again a few years ago. I launched this poetry blog in November 2021. Memories from another Lifetime is a series of my poems written as a young girl.
My mission is to make the voice of my younger self heard. I wish to touch as many people as possible with my poems.
Kindle or paperback?
I published Pain and my three subsequent books in the series – Love, Desire, and Soul – in Kindle format. In keeping with my mission, my intention was to make my poetry easily available to all, regardless of where they lived.
However, I soon found out that friends and family members preferred to read books in a printed format, and therefore did not buy my books or read my poetry. Whereas this was initially upsetting, I realised after my fourth book, Soul, that I should seriously consider publishing in paperback. If nothing else, I would hopefully reach a new and broader audience.
I discussed this with my sister and coach, Vatsala, in December 2023, and we agreed that publishing a paperback should be one of my personal goals in 2024.
A long and tedious journey
Initially, we discussed publishing all four volumes in one, compiled paperback. However, once I started getting into all the technical details and specifications on Amazon KDP, I realised how technically challenging it could be to simply set up the book correctly. As I learned new terms from the publishing world, such as trim size, margins, and bleed, I decided to publish the paperbacks one book at a time. It was obvious to start with my first volume, Pain.
I studied the technical specifications for the paperback format, watched technical videos on KDP and YouTube, and downloaded a template in the desired trim size. The template was for a 6×9 inch book, but the paper size I worked on and printed was A4. So, even though I followed the template and set the correct margins, at no point could I see what the pages would actually look like, once printed. I also needed to make decisions regarding blank pages and whether a poem should always start on a right-facing page. Page numbering could be tricky, as well.
It wasn’t a matter of simply copy-pasting the poems, but of making conscious and deliberate design decisions at each and every step of the process. I worked slowly and reworked the draft through several rounds. Finally, after additional rounds of proofreading, I felt the manuscript was ready.
Yet another obstacle
The next challenge, and this was far more worrying, was the book cover. My Kindle books have a signature look. The cover is a beautiful painting by my mother, the artist Kusum Shukla. It is from 1995 and called ‘In Search of Soul’. When I started studying the technical specifications for a paperback cover, my heart sank. Without a proper graphic design tool, it would be near impossible to create the cover myself. I also wasn’t sure how I could use my mother’s painting without distorting the image to meet the cover specifications.
I was almost at the point of finally giving up, when I decided to browse Amazon to see what other poets, including some of my Twitter friends, had done with their covers. I noted that they had all used relatively simple formats for their cover. Finally, I came across a format that would work for my book as well.
Propelled by the Universe
The funny thing is, throughout the process, whenever I told myself that perhaps it was time to throw in the towel, the Universe showed me the way forward, so I could continue with renewed hope. Yet, at no point did I feel certain that the paperback would ultimately get published.
On top of the technical difficulties, the first couple of months of 2024 were also personally challenging for me. Close family members had serious health matters to deal with, and the workload in my day job was at an all-time high. I somehow managed to keep working on the book, propelled by some unseen force.
By the end of March 2024, the time had come to upload my manuscript and cover image in Amazon KDP, to see if they would be accepted for publication. I would also be able to see what the printed book would look like.
Gathering my courage for the hour of reckoning
I gathered all my courage, as the hour of reckoning came. Now, I would finally see if all the months of perseverance would pay off or not. There was no turning back. I uploaded the documents in KDP and, to my immense relief, the book looked good in the previewer. I ordered a proof copy to be absolutely sure that the book would print properly.
The proof copy arrived a few days later. It was an amazing feeling to actually hold my book in my hands! I was very satisfied with the result. I gave myself time to carefully proofread the copy, making some necessary changes in the manuscript and cover.
After one more round of uploading in Amazon KDP and ordering a proof copy for visual verification of my changes, I finally submitted the book for publication in paperback format.
After a day of waiting and hoping for the best – a rejection from Amazon KDP was still a possible scenario – I finally received confirmation that Pain had been released as paperback on Amazon on 18 April 2024.
I felt as if I had won a long battle.
What do readers have to say about Pain?
Publishing a book of poems as an unknown author is not an easy task, and I am very happy and grateful for the warm reviews I have received by genuine admirers of my poetry. I hope this will enable my poetry to reach and comfort more people.
‘Poetry at its very best‘ – Steve Brown
‘This is poetry at its very best, not just verse to read through and move onto the next one. Each poem is a story rich in emotion and deserves to be reflected on, once read. Astonishing that a young lady in her teens could be so talented and deeply affected with feelings normally reserved for one much older. This work will live long in memory.’
‘Articulating Pain with Dignity‘ – Ranga Iyer
‘Expressing pain in verses is done by many poets, but, articulating it in a dignified manner is where many falter. While reading those poems one gets the feeling that the language, vocabulary used for expressing the suffering and pain, is coming from a place of maturity, someone wiser, and older than a 13-year-old. Because this poet was bestowed with the gift of maturity at a tender age, we, her readers, are getting a chance to enjoy and relate to her poems.’
‘Dark and very moving‘ – Susan M. Levin Aagesen
‘I felt the sadness in this poetry, as if I were there. It was beautifully written, and you can feel the writer was haunted by these memories.’
Thank you!
It is my sincere hope that you will read Pain and enjoy the poems, dear Reader. Please feel free to share the link with friends and family who are lovers of poetry. You can buy Pain on Amazon.com or an Amazon marketplace close to where you live, for faster shipping and lower shipping costs.
If you enjoy my poetry, please do leave a review on Amazon or Goodreads – this is more important for authors than most readers realise. Your review will help other readers find good books to read. Thanks in advance!
Much love and best wishes to all of you!
Vanita Shukla Hork, April 2024