My father’s profession as a career diplomat meant that we moved around a lot during my childhood, and I changed schools every 2-3 years. Being the new girl in class was not always easy, especially when I reached adolescence. I always felt different from my peers, the odd one out. As an adult I have come to appreciate that we are all unique, that being different can be a strength, and that fitting in is not always desirable.
I wanted to be accepted and be part of a group growing up, yet it was when I truly went my own way as a grown-up that I found my soul tribe.
While typing my 40-year-old, hand-written poems, I came across this speech which I remember giving at the morning assembly at St. Joseph’s Convent, Port of Spain, Trinidad. It must have been in 1982, and I would have been almost 15 years old. I had given a speech for my classmates, and the nuns had encouraged me to speak at the school’s morning assembly.
I wanted to share this speech now, as an adult, as I believe that the thoughts of this teenager could resonate with those youngsters today who feel like outsiders at a vulnerable point in their lives.
Please bear in mind that this was written by a 15-year-old. As a 55-year-old, knowing what I do now, I would have perceived and tackled the situations described differently.
The speech
Peers play an important role in the adolescent years. Each person lives in a private world of his or her own, and adolescents more so than grow-ups. At the same time, they begin to perceive and discover the outside world. In this process, they discover themselves too, to a certain extent.
When many adolescents are thrown together for a prolonged period, as we are when attending school, there is a lot of interaction. Outside pressures develop, which try to change one’s personality.
One must be vigilant all the time to ensure that any change which takes place is not for the worse, but for the better. I will try to illustrate this point through my own experience.
Last year I joined the Convent in Form 3. I had come to Trinidad after spending one year in a boarding school in India. Prior to that, I had lived abroad for six years with my parents but had only studied in schools where most of the students were Indians. So, in truth, in Trinidad I was studying amongst foreigners for the first time.
This gave rise to several problems of adjustment. I did not know how to react to my peers, just as they perhaps did not know how to assess me. One of my problems was my command of the English language. The girls around me felt that I was using big words to show off, whereas in fact, I was using the language I was taught in my previous schools. Good Indian schools are rather British in their use of the English language, and slang is absolutely frowned upon. Pronunciation was another problem. Therefore, I, on my part, found some of the words used by my peers incomprehensible.
This caused a great deal of confusion for me for a long time and the feeling that I was a freak. Occasionally it drove me to tears. The problem was ultimately resolved when I reached the conclusion that I would use exactly the kind of language that I am used to, and to let others do what what they wanted. After all, one must stand up for oneself at some point in time or the other.
Another problem was my academic performance. I started securing top marks from the beginning, which perhaps was thought to be very strange for a newcomer. I could feel a certain amount of mute hostility on this account. This was another cause of anguish to a person trying to settle down in unfamiliar surroundings. But gradually I realised that one must try to achieve what one is capable of and need not feel diffident about doing so.
I also discovered that I was thought to be a ‘square’. My interests were not quite the same as those of others. This particular problem can cause a lot of distress to an adolescent who wants to be part of her peer group but finds that there are severe cultural differences. What is acceptable in one society may not be acceptable in another. So, one has to either compromise the values one grew up with, or curb the desire to be part of the group. I chose the latter.
The result of coping with these problems is that one learns to adjust at times, and at times to withdraw. In my case, most of the time, I chose to withdraw. For example, I was elected Class Monitor in the second term. I found that I could not function effectively because of all kinds of differences due to the fact that I came from a different educational and cultural background. Rather than try to impose my will on others and pick up long-lasting fights, I chose to resign.
Some may say that this was an act of cowardice, but I would say that he who runs away lives to fight another day. But in all honesty, I must also note that the fact that I had won the class election showed that I had achieved a significant measure of acceptance. All through this I did have friends who understood part of the problem and were helpful.
Dealing with one’s peers contributes significantly to character building, although what kind of character one acquires depends on one’s own will and strength. There is a great deal of adjustment which takes place, and in my case, is still taking place. For example, all that I have said right now is not exactly what I had wanted to say, but the reaction of some of my peers showed me the necessity of changing my speech somewhat.
I would like to conclude by reciting the following lines I composed for this occasion:
You –
The companions of my youth
I pay this tribute
To you –
That through the days
Of carefree happiness
And sorrow
I grew in person
In maturity
And depth.
You hurt me
Yet each wound is now
A blessing.
Vanita Shukla Hork, 1982
What about your experiences as a teenager?
I would be very interested in hearing about your experiences as a teenager, dear Reader. Please do leave a comment!
You can read the full poem here in my blog, A Tribute.
If you liked the poem, you will enjoy my book Memories from another Lifetime: Pain. Available on Amazon, free on KindleUnlimited. Please do leave a review.
